Forever Drawers
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: This is a parody of Valeries 'Forever Yours....' It's weird. And it's by me. That's all that must be said. Read and review it!!! Please!!!


The first in a new wave of parodies... This is a parody of Valeries 'Forever Yours....' It's good, I suggest that you read it after you're done reading this parody. Or read it first, then come back and read the parody. Either one. But you should probably read it, it's pretty damn good. Oh, by the way, according to Valerie, at one point she had the fic written to a song. So I think I'll write this to a song, too. (Does anyone know what the hell 'Eien ni anata no mono' means? If so, TELL ME!!!) And now on to the fic....  
  
After Colony 197 (I don't like skipping ahead four years)  
  
Astonishment and finally shock took Duo over as he realised that... He had forgotten to put any pants on! He was walking down a street wearing only a shirt, socks, and shoes! "Damn it... No wonder all those people are looking at me all funny... It's a longer walk from here back to my house than it is from here to school, so I'll just keep walking." Duo approached the door to his classroom and entered. "Hi, Heero!" Duo called out. Heero turned and saw Duo standing by the door, pantsless, and his eyes went wide. He ran over to Duo and glared at him. "Where the hell are your pants? It's hard enough for me to keep from... Well... From physically expressing my feelings towards you... In public as it is. If you don't wear pants, It'll be impossible! Luckily for you, I always carry around an extra pair of shorts..."  
  
//(Be vewy, vewy quiet...  
We'we hunting... Something...)  
Me and Harold Mudford were outdoors men  
set in our backwoods ways.  
Both members of the huntin' club,  
both active in the NRA.  
(National Rednecks Association)//  
  
"What did you mean by that? Did you mean 'physically' as in kissing, maybe? Or didja mean it as in..." "I was not referring to kissing." "Well, then, there's nothing on this planet or any of the colonies that could possibly make me put pants on!" Then Relena walked up to the two boys. "Oh, I see you forgot your pants... Wow, you have a cute ass!" "Gimme the damn shorts, fast!" Duo whispered in Heeros ear. Heero got the shorts for Duo and handed them to him, which he quickly put on. "Playing had to get, huh?" Relena asked. "No, I don't like you, so I'm playing get-the-hell-away-from-me-Relena." Relena pointed at Duos crotch. "I was referring to that." Duo looked down to see a large lump between his legs. "Aw, crap! This sucks! Heero, how can you stand wearing spandex all the time? I can't even picture you naked or else... Well, the evidence kinda pops up..."  
  
//We scouted a location where we had no doubt  
we'd kill the biggest buck in the world.  
(I thought 34th corner)//  
  
"I have to admit, it isn't the easiest thing in the world... But after a while, you just get use to it." Heero said. Duo frowned. "But... Damn it, it isn't fair..." Then Duo felt a slight draft, and looked down. "What the hell?!?" Relena held up the shorts he had, until recently, been wearing. "Looking for this?" Duo glared at her. "Well, I've still got one more chance..." Duo grabbed a lighter from his shoe and set part of the building on fire. "FIRE!!" He yelled. Then, along with everyone else, he ran out the door. Unlike everyone else, he cried wee, wee, wee all the way home. Well... He ran home, anyways. Once there, he put his pants on. But, unbeknownst to him, and knownst to us, Heero was watching through the window. Duo exited his room and went outside to find Heero standing outside his window with a bowl of popcorn. "Uh... This isn't what it looks like!"  
  
//Harold waited in his tree stand  
but all he seen was a squirrel.  
Dang near two weeks since the season started  
and neither one of us was amused.  
We had on real tree camo  
and high-pyred ammo  
but no big game to shoot.//  
  
Duo nodded his head. "Yeah, sure, it isn't. If it isn't what it looks like, then what is it?" Heero stood silently with his mouth open for several moments before speaking. "Ummmm.... Well, I thought you might be hungry, and so I brought you a bowl of popcorn. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so I came over here to see f you were in your room. But you weren't. You were out here." Duo nodded his head. "Alright. I don't believe that, but it's possible that it's true, so I can't really argue with it." Heero smiled. "Well, then, give me that popcorn." Heeo frowned and looked down at the popcorn. "Uh... But... Aw, fine, take the popcorn. But, if I give you the popcorn, I want something in return." "What?" "Well, here's the popcorn..." Heero handed Duo the bowl of popcorn, and then took off Duos pants. "And I'll take these."  
  
//Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse,  
Harold had him in his crosshairs.  
(Shoot it!)  
But that squirrel jumped off a  
branch above us  
and landed in Harolds hair.//  
  
Duo ate a handful of popcorn. "Heero, why'd you take my pants? This is the third time today I've been made pantsless. If people keep taking my pants, I'm going to get very angry..." Heero grinned. "Sorry, Duo. But... Well, Relena was right, you know. You do have a cute ass." Duo grabbed his pants back from Heero. "HA! I'e got my pants!" Duo put his pants back on. "Duo, why do you keep putting your pants on? You know someones just going to take them off again." Then Zechs snuck up behind Duo and pulled off his pants. "DAMN YOU! Stop taking my pants! Give me my pants back!"  
  
//Harold fell off the stand  
on his head he landed,  
like a wimp he layed there cryin'.  
'Til I climbed on down,  
picked him up off the ground  
And it didn't take us long to decide,  
that squirrel had to die!//  
  
Oh, crap... Highwayman... The damn CD had to play Highwayman... And at the exact moment I began reading Forever Yours.... for ideas. Damn it, I'm gonna cry. Argh... The fic must go on! I don't give a damn if I have a heart attack, or if I suddenly drop dead from some mysterious disease, or if a taipan bites me and I die from the venom, or whatever, I'm gonna finish this fic!  
  
//Goodbye, squirrel!  
With black eyed peas!  
You're gonna taste good to me, squirrel.  
Come on out of that tree, squirrel.  
Hey guess what?  
You've eaten your last nut, squirrel!//  
  
Duo ran after Zechs, followed closely by Heero, and Zechs led them on a chase all thoughout the town. They finally caught up with Zechs when he turned a corner and found himself in at a dead end. "Gimme those!" Duo shouted as he grabbed at his pants, but Zechs tossed them behind Duo, and Treize caught them and began running. "What the hell is wrong with you people? Why do you keep taking my pants? Is it some kind of demented fetish or something?" Duo took off after Treize, and once again Heero followed him. The two caught up with Treize fairly easily, and Duo took his pants from Treize. Before he could put them back on, though, Hilde turned the corner of a building and grabbed his pants from him.  
  
//Me and Harold went down to the surplus store,  
bought a keg of dynamite!  
Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s,  
we were in for one heck of a fight.//  
  
"That's it... Heero you watch carefully for anyone who wants to steal my pants when we catch Hilde, okay? Don't let anyone get near my pants!" Heero nodded his head, and they ran after Hilde. Duo grabbed a large balloon mallot and tossed it to Heero. When they finally caught up with Hilde, Duo grabbed his pants form her, and turned around to see Heero hitting Neun with the balloon. "Duo, she's trying to get to your pants! I can't hold her off much longer! Hurry, run! Run, Forrest, run! Oh... Sorry... Run, Duo, run!" Duo ran, attempting to put his pants on as he did so. After two blocks, he was successful in getting them on, but by then Neun had escaped from Heero and was running after him. "Shit, I can't let her et my pants... AHA!" Duo turned left and ran through the door to the police station.  
  
//When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber  
somethin's surely bound to go wrong. (Now be careful!)  
And when Harold lit that real short fuse  
I knew it wouldn't be long.  
When the dynamite blew  
Harolds foot did too  
and fingers began to fly.//  
  
"HELP! There's a lady out there with blue hair, and she's trying to take my pants!" Duo shouted, and one of the policemen walked over to him and examined his pants. "Hmmm.... Any idea why she'd want your pants?" Duo shook his head. "No. Everyones been trying to take my pants today... First I forgot them at home, then Relena took off the shorts Heero gave me, then Heero took off my pants, then Zechs, then Treize, then Hilde, and now Neun." The policeman nodded his head. "Hmmm... Well, I think I see why they want your pants." "What is it? Why?" The policeman took Duos pants off. "'Cause you have a cute ass. And now I'll just be taking these pants..." The policeman... Well, he had just finished his doughnuts, so he waddled three feet and had a coronary occlusion.  
  
//We were barely alive  
when the game warden 'rived,  
and much to our surprise,  
that squirrel didn't die.//  
  
Duo grabbed his pants from the policeman and put them back on. "This is beginning to annoy me... Why does everyone want my pants? What does my ass have to do with taking off my pants and running away with them? This is all very puzzling..." Then Heero ran into the police station. "HELP! There's a lady with blue hair out there trying to take my boyfriends pants! Oh, hi Duo. What's that policeman doing on the floor?" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "He stole my pants and fell down." Then the roof of the police station disappeared and a UFO appeared aboe them. A ray of light came from the bottom of the UFO and Duos pants vanished. "Damn it, een martians want my pants... Aw, this isn't worth it... I'll go put on some other pants..."  
  
//Goodbye, squirrel.  
Just one more shot!  
You'll be in my crockpot, squirrel!  
You'll make a lunch!  
You overgrown chipmunk, squirrel.  
I'll skin yer hide,  
and make a hat when it's dry, squirrel.//  
  
In the spaceship...  
  
"We finally have it. The most sought after thing on Earth... How did that earthling keep it for so long? Everyone on the entire planet must have tried to take it from him... It's as if the earthlings cannot live without it... Well, at least we have it now..." The alien pulled a bottle from the pocket of Duos pants. "We finally have zoloft!"  
  
//Dadblame, Harold.  
My gosh, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you.  
Gim-Gimme I said gimme, gimme that gun!  
Look out!  
.....I think I killed somethin'...//  
  
Zoloft is an anti-depressant/tranquilizer, for those of you who don't know. By the way, those little song lyrics in there had nothing to do with the song, in case you didn't notice. And, if you liked that song, read 'Christmas, Christmas' 'cause it's got tons of 'em in it. I wrote it, too, ya know. Not the song. Christmas, Christmas. The songs were written by Cledus T. Judd. And now... I suppose I shall leave. So long, folks! 


End file.
